So, my oven’s dead, right?
Sucks shit and I hate my oven-less life, but until I get a new one, I bought a toaster oven so I can make complicated toast and easy bake bagels like an adult.
I haven’t made toast or bagels, yet, but I did throw away my toaster in anticipation.
Lately, I’ve been jonesing for these pizza hot pockets I used to like. I figured, what the hell, I got a toaster oven. I’m gonna go buy some fuckin pizza hot pockets. I’m gonna make my dreams come true.
The problem is, I haven’t had these things in like, 15 years. And I can’t remember which one, specifically, I liked.
I go to Safeway, anyway.
I buy some pizza hot pockets, thinking “surely one of these will be the one I liked.
15 years ago.
Back when I liked these things.”
As it turns out, the brand was probably not even hot pocket, but something Safeway no longer carries, and is probably no longer in production.
I gave my toaster oven virginity to a hot crust of lies.